Moral Support

Oh jeez, where to start..?

I suppose it goes back years really.. See, I fell in love with makeup and the art of makeup at a young age, and I vividly remember watching my cousin getting her makeup applied for her wedding day by an artist, and it hit me like a lightning bolt thrown by Zeus himself : that's what I want to do!! I wanted to be a makeup artist! So, in school I chose subjects that would help me out (but also loved) like Art and Biology for my senior exams. I remember saying to my Career Guidance counsellor in school 'What college offers makeup artistry?" and she told me that the local PLC College did the beauticians course for two years, 'it's the same thing'. No it's not. She couldn't handle that I, a young teenager, was correcting her, a Careers Guidance counsellor that what I wanted to do and what she was telling me were two totally different things. I remember her telling me about 4 weeks before the open day I would later attend, after I asked her again (for the umpteenth time) 'What college offers makeup artistry?!' that 'Why didn't you come to me sooner, IADT has a makeup course and you need a portfolio for it'. Once again she couldn't handle that I had badgered her about it for 2 years and suffered selective amnesia as far as I'm concerned. So, I scrambled together a portfolio and went to that college open day. I didn't get my spot on that course but I wasn't prepared enough myself, that I do know. Most people spend an entire academic year working on a portfolio to show at an art college of any description, I had barely 4 weeks (plus my results weren't the best, hey Im not academically inclined - shoot me). But it didn't stop me from trying to get into my dream. At 21, I finally did my makeup course, and I loved every single second of it, and I'd do it all over again if I could! I remember applying for a job at a local makeup concession in our main department store, and thats when the pressure started on me. 'Why are you packing in your job??" I'm not... "Why are you leaving a job with good money to go into a job with bad money?!' Because I hate my current job and any money I earn doesn't make it any better.. 'Do you think you'll get work out of this?!' Am, that's the point of doing the course I did and applying for this job. 'I think you're crazy to leave a full time job..' Yes, well that's my choice to make.
I didn't get the position, because I don't have retail experience unfortunately! And in order to get retail experience, you have to have retail experience. Catch 22, a double edged sword.
A couple of years ago, another makeup store was opening up, I got a tip off from a girl I studied with who also worked with the same brand in the capital, she encouraged me to apply. So off I did, and the same pressure started again. This time from more people..
"Why are you packing in your job?!' Im not, I'm not an idiot. Then on the morning of my interview for this store, 'You're mother got in contact with me to have a chat with you about you packing in you're job' I'm fcuking not packing in my job, I've got an interview for something I fcuking trained for, what part of that do you not understand?! "But, I'm only trying to show you that by packing in your job and this not following through that you're left without a leg to stand on" But, I just told you, I haven't packed in any job, I'm actually trying to get out of there.
I got told I was going for a second interview with the brand -even without retail experience. I was on cloud 9. I physically couldn't stop smiling for the entire weekend. But, 4 weeks down the line, the store opened and no sign of my 'second interview', I was starting to wonder, so I got in contact with the brand (not in the best way, I'll admit.) I was told that I wasn't going to get my aforementioned second interview, that all the positions were filled on a trial basis and they were offered the positions. Whoop-de-fcuking-do. Cheers for telling me that in the initial interviews!
I was heartbroken.

So, what has all that got to do with cycling?! Nothing really. But the support that I didn't get back then, I thought I would get with my training for this cycle.
A-ha. Nice Joke hun, tell me another one.
I've got no support from the 2 people I desperately want it from. My parents.
First few weeks I got over, because I was only starting out and did have much progress. But, I cleared 16 miles 2 nights ago (making great progress on my mini-challenge, thanks for asking readers!!), I'm putting in the time and effort to make my miles. But because today I asked if it would be possible for little/no butter to be used in the mash (well my lot of the mash for dinner), I was told that I'd 'want to cop on for myself' and when I answered with my prepared answer (I was expecting a remark of some sort) 'It's a cycle the length of the country I'm training for, not a cycle over to Dunnes!' I was laughed at. And, I heard my father remark to my mother from inside the other room, 'I know what to say now myself'
It truely upset me, so much that it suppressed my appetite and I ate a lot less that I normally would have. Moral support is what I need in this training, not smart remarks or laughing. It's the training that i'm doing each night for a cycle that I'm not 100% sure what to expect from it, that I need to be told by my parents 'You're doing good, keep it up' not 'cop onto yourself' or 'you need to eat' when they are trying to force a greasy pizza down my throat after I've already had something to eat.
It doesn't cost anything, a 'Good Job' or 'Job well done' would do. They have no problem in telling people that I'm doing this cycle to try and raise funds for the target I'm well on my way of making... But why is it so hard for them to support it?! Because, my honest opinion, it feels to me like they want me to say 'You were right, I'm in over my head, I'm dropping out', I know that they think I won't be able to do it.

But see here's the thing about me, I've proved them wrong once before.... And I'm on my way to proving them wrong a second time.



Just watch this space....